A 10 Car Wife

Cars and testosterone are rarely found unaccompanied by one another, just as pb & J, or unicorns and glitter; and my husband is no exception. I am not certain of the source from whence his fascination with things on wheels and need for speed originated, but I think it started when he was just an itty-bitty zygote. After all, he was the fastest swimmer and had to overthrow an IUD to enter this world. Since I have known him he has owned 10 cars, an average of 1.5 cars/year.

I saw the signs, but was blinded by his obscene coolness and magnetic charm. I should have realized that when we did this to his beloved Acura Integra for his 17th birthday and he was more annoyed than flattered, that this was a sign of things to come. (Car #1)

And when this was our prom picture- Although, not a car he owned, it was definitely a caution marker. I thought he wanted a snapshot of me, but was then told I was blocking his view. Every girls dream!

And this is the kind of pumpkins he would carve. He was never satisfied with his craftsmanship here; clearly, the front to back bumper ratio is grossly miscalculated.

And when I would get these pics from his mission; sending him to Japan was dangerous, yet divinely inspired!- imagine the temptation. Everything in Japan is turbocharged and saturated with horsepower.

And the fact that we practically own this: Just because there are 3 movies based on related events doesn’t mean you can slap on the trilogy label. On behalf of legitimized trilogy’s everywhere (star wars, godfather, etc), I apologize.

By the time he left on his mission he had gone through car #1, #2 and #3. Car #4 was waiting for him. Really, he had a Neon RT anxiously waiting his arrival. He didn’t need me to wait for him.
car #2

car #3

car #4

At one point after he returned from his mission and before we got married (a brief 5 month span) he had 3 cars (Car #4, #5 and #6). The Silverado was for work, and then realized it was too much truck for his liking (not to mention gas was reaching 4 a gallon) and sold that for a smaller pick up, the Tacoma.

car #5

car #6

Shortly after we married, he was laid off from his superintendent construction job (negating our need for the truck) and so we bought a Mitsubishi eclipse (car #7). “THE CAR TO END ALL CARS”- his words, not mine. James had been yearning for an eclipse much longer than he had ever yearned for me, and I was so relieved that we could get passed this little sports car fad thingy that he seemed to have. After all, he was now the proud owner of The car. Oh, how my naivety escapes me. It had a very throaty exhaust- not a good ride for conversation, and he installed the underglows. Although, their legality still remains a mystery.

Not more than a year later I started developing a throbbing in my abdomen. Most newlyweds chalk it up to pregnancy and 9 months later have a little bundle of joy, but I have now come to know it as the itch. James was tired of the eclipse and ready for something else. Our bundle of joy came much quicker and in the form of a Mitsubishi Lancer. It had a DVD player and it was lowered.

Car #8.

We sold car #7, still had car #4 and now car #8. A few months later and coincidentally shortly after car #4 concocted a serious scratch on the passenger side he was ready for something else. In his mind car #4 was now damaged goods. Instead of going our customary craigslist route we traded car #4 for car #9 with a friend; a fully loaded Nissan Maxima- V6 engine, 20th anniversary edition, blah, blah, blah, as I am sure if you are reading this, you are much more interested in Ali’s bachelorette selection than you are in knowing how many exclusive features our 9th car had.

My memory escapes me as to why we ditched car #9, but at 9 cars and 3 moves into our marriage there tends to be some murkiness. I often reference events by the cars we had and the place we were living at the time. There’s less of “Remember back in 2007 when…” and more of “back in our 1st apartment with the eclipse remember when…” . Reason #7,652 to blog! But I digress, anyway, the honeymoon phase with car #9 dissipated quickly and we unloaded it for one of our current means of transportation, car #10, a Toyota corolla. We bought this baby of his parents and it’s been very good to us, despite Toyota’s most recent recall disputes.

car #10 (although not our actual car, finding an online image was much more convenient than confronting the oppressive Arizona heat to take a blog pic). Besides, our corrolla is a type S has scion rims, and limo tint!

A few months ago I noticed James was spending a great deal of time on the computer, and on a particular website at that (craigslist), which just happen to coincide with yet another ulcer I was experiencing. He starts gauging my interest level, asking me questions like “What do you think of the Honda s2000?”, and adds gear-shifting and blow-off valve sound effects as we’re driving our non turbo-charged automatic.

10 ulcers, er, I mean, cars later I am no dummy when it comes to the itch. Just a few weeks ago we bid adieu to car #8 and he has been combing the southeast area for his next conquest. He has his sights set on turbo! I've decided to embrace my 10 car wife status, and we've agreed upon a few compromises. For starters, we'll never have major car repairs, if my stomach doesn't like the car we pass and Sundays are no craigslist days! I’ve also come to learn a few things, being a 10 car wife. First, every time he says “this is the car of my dreams” I know dreams change almost yearly, b, looking can hurt and 3, cars are people too.