We Need a STAY-cation

We just returned from an alleged vacation to California. I say alleged because by definition this is what a vacation is:

Vacation: A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation/Leisure time away from work devoted to rest or pleasure.

We were in violation of every part of that description. Here’s a synopsis:

Leave for Disneyland at 2am on Tuesday, drive 6 hrs, play at Disneyland, play at California Adventure, play more at Disneyland, head back to car to eat lunch/dinner, walk back to park, play some more, walk back to car, notice huge slice in front left tire, contact tire place, drive to hotel, sleep for 6 hours, spend morning getting tire fixed, drive 1.5 hrs to Valencia, play at Six Flags, convince James to ride on Goliath, play evil mind tricks on him while on roller coaster, wait 1.5 hrs in line for X2, chew out girls for trying to cut in line, point and laugh as they make their way back in line, watch James try and strap himself into seat as tight as he can, ride X2 and realize it is scary wicked fun, want to do it again, leave six flags, drive 6 hours to Sacramento area, arrive at 12:30am, pass out for 7 hours on Lisa and Rocky’s couch, play with nieces and nephews next morning, send James and boys off to golf in Napa Valley for 6 hours, spend 2 hours in Sam’s Club and 3 in Target with sis-in-laws, mom-in-law and their offspring, shop for 3 hours (not enough time), score really cute striped pencil skirt for 5 bucks, sleep for 4 hours, following morning send James and boys off to golf at 4:30 am, can’t really fall back to sleep due to solar lights glaring me in the face, spend morning with nieces and nephews using me as a jungle-jim, Visit Jelly Belly Factory, drive to Sacramento to visit G’ma Martin and party, eat, have awkward conversation with family I have never met/may never see again, say “hi” to G’ma, realize she’s got to go to the hospital, cut party short, head back to Vacaville, hit up shops again, watch Transformers, whisper to James about how Megan Fox forgot her bra and decipticons aren’t supposed to look like people-that’s Terminator and someone should tell Michael Bay that that movie’s been done at least 4 times already, get to sleep at 1:30am, wake up at 5 am to pack up car again, spend 30 minutes trying to divert bird that flew in the house back outside, drive an hour to San Francisco, watch seals at pier 39, head to Alcatraz, watch park ranger yell at tourists who are getting ahead of the group, spend time at Fisherman’s Wharf, pay way too much for a pretzel, eat clam chowder in bread bowl, hit up Ghirardelli square, get raked over the coals by San Fran prices, spend next 3 hours in China Town where stuff seems more authentic b/c it was actually made in China, finally head home around 7:30pm, need to make it back to AZ by 12:30 next day to listen to Joshua speak in church, bust out Rockstar, have headache and down 2 Excedrins, now have huge stomachache from rockstar-excederin concoction, keel over in pain, still have headache, pull over and sleep in car for 3 hours, back on the road at 4am, finally home at 11 am, shower and try and rinse off liberal California grime, make it to church at 12:29 pm. Pretty sure that was one long sentence. Pretty sure we got a total of 30 hours of sleep over 6 days. Pretty sure we spent more than that just driving. You do the math! Now it's time for a stay-cation.

p.s. A Super-Ginormous thanks to Lisa and Rocky for letting us crash on their couch! Now it’s your turn to come and visit.

Coming soon to a blog near you:
"The Theme Park Diet" and "What Not to Wear"

A Series of Unfortunate Decisions

Ever since we’ve been in our house we’ve had big dreams for our little backyard- a garden, citrus trees, grass, etc. Although most of those dreams haven’t quite yet come to fruition, we are gearing up for them. We bought some brick to do a raised garden, and James has been intently scouring for a great deal on pavers. We frequented home improvement stores as well as craigslist. We've done our homework and pavers are exceptionally pricey!

Last week James found a seemingly breath-taking deal on Craigslist, and bonus- the pavers would go great with the aforementioned brick. Now, I must clarify what constitutes a “great deal” on Craigslist. Price is not the only factor; one must also consider proximity, accessibility and ease of transaction. I was hesitant to go forward with the pavers; meanwhile James was spending an upwards of 4 hours designing and planning the layout of the pavers. To our modest garden he added an extended patio, a built-in fire place, and furnishings.

The only attractive feature of these pavers was their price. They were located in fountain hills (a good 45 minute drive away), they presumably weighed about 2 tons, we didn’t have a truck capable of such a load, and my pathetic excuse for biceps weren’t on our side either. Can you appreciate my apprehension?

Well, I certainly wouldn’t be blogging had we not gone forth with the pavers. In the meantime, we were able to come by a 1 ton flat bed truck, a mammoth trailer and 2 brothers and a great friend with willing hands to help. It was decided that Monday night after work we would head up there, load up, come back and unload- a great family home evening activity.

However, Monday was also Sofia’s birthday (see previous post for pictures of the most charming little 1 year old ever). They just wanted family over for presents, cake and ice-cream. I was so ecstatic about it, probably more so than Sofia. We were arranging to leave at 4:30pm, and be back at 8pm, seemingly ample time to get set pavers and get back. Here’s an annotated timeline of the evening’s undertakings:

4:30 pm: James, Caleb and Carly ready to go. Boys in truck, me following behind because the trailer didn’t have a license plate and only one working tail light. 2 brothers, not present.

4:45 pm: Headed over to pick up Ethan. Get there; gather gloves, tarps and rope. Gloves to preserve hands, tarps and rope to hopefully secure bricks to flat-bed truck (or try to secure them not knowing in advance the proper procedure to hauling pavers on such truck). Decide to wait for Joshua to get home.

5:00pm: Finally head out with Joshua. All along the way avoiding cops due to lack of tail light and license plate on trailer.

5:30pm: Reach fountain hills, but exhaust 30 more minutes trying to find the guys house.

6:00 pm: Find guys house, but must drive truck with trailer on bumpy, steep dirt road to get to pavers. Immanent fear of trailer unhitching and getting stuck in wash.

6:10pm: Reach pavers and start assembly line loading pavers, trying to distribute the weight over the axles. Pay guy in full for pavers.

7:00pm: Trailer has reached its maximum weight load, start loading more pavers on truck.

8:00pm: Sofia’s birthday party is supposed to start/ Still trying to load the last of the pavers. Decide to head out and realize someone (James) must make a second trip out here to get the rest of the load. Realize we have paid for all the pavers and are not taking all of them today. Scary-trust-issue with guy…

8:30pm: Can’t quite remember how to get out of winding neighborhood, but eventually make it to the highway. See sign that reads “mesa 14 miles” with an arrow pointing right, and “Payson” with an arrow pointing left. Thought to myself, 14 miles and we’re on the home stretch!

8:32pm: James turned left. This was the start of a series of unfortunate ideas and decisions brought on by my husband, whom I love dearly and will cherish all my life, but not at this moment, or for the rest of this night.

8:40pm: Headed towards Payson, James pulls off to the right thinking this is the turn-off for a short-cut home.

8:41pm: Gets back on road, wrong turn

8: 45pm: Repeats pulling off to the right again thinking this is the right turn off… wrong again.

8:47pm: Gets back on road, wrong turn again.

8:50pm: Realize from where we’re at now I won’t have enough gas to get back. Panic mode sets in.

8:55pm: Turn on brights and see tarp flapping in the wind, regret not bringing helmets to help deflect flying pavers whirling towards us. More panic!

9:00pm: Repeats pulling off to the right again thinking this is the right turn off… wrong again…

9:05pm: I decide to turn around, get gas and head back the RIGHT way. He relents, pulls over and tries to re-secure pavers with tarp and rope. I see sign that reads “fountain hill 16 miles”

9:20pm: Waiting for James at gas station, infuriated and disappointed. I’ve ruined Sofia’s birthday, they are trying to wait patiently for us to get there. Decided to open presents, but trying to hold off on cake and ice-cream.

9:30pm: Get a call from James telling my we’re going to leave the truck, trailer and pavers here and come back for them later. OMG! I tell him HE WILL come back for them later. Was about to head home and let him find his own way back, but realized Caleb was with him, and Caleb (nor his wife) deserves that kind of treatment. However, I felt, at this point, James did.

9:45pm: Finally meet back up with James and follow him to drop off point. We know some people who have a house in fountain hills. Air reeks of burning rubber because he is riding the breaks the whole way. Tarp is flapping once again. I told my brothers to lay low in case if airborne pavers.

10:15pm: Find the house, hate fountain hills, hate pavers. Slump in back seat, ride home in silence

10:30pm: Get a call from mom saying party is over. Very upset and decide to suspend James’ decision making privileges indefinitely.

11:00pm: Make is safely home. Realize guy still has some of our pavers and all of the money. We have no truck, no trailer, no pavers…

Four days later, it’s still not that amusing to me, but I’m over it enough to share it with you. I spent the next afternoon with Monica and Sofia and we pseudo reenacted the cake and ice-cream scene; still wasn’t the same. James eventually obtained all our pavers and they are now resting safe and sound on our patio. He is currently pursuing the appeal process and petitioning for his privileges to be restored.

One Year Older and Cuter Too!

Happy 1st Birthday Sofia!

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

• The laundry aisle
• When the label/price tag peels off cleanly
• New blog comments
• Opening up a new jar of peanut butter
• Popping fallen seed pods on walks
• Using a freshly sharpened pencil
• Hitting all the green lights

What are yours?

Just Because I lack their equipment, doesn't mean I can't Dominate

Last weekend there was a fishing trip planned for Big Lake. Yes, that’s really the name of the lake. All the boys were going, along with Ethan’s would-be-family-if-he-had-his-way-b/c-they-are-way-cooler-than-his-own-family, the Welch’s. You see, the Welch’s know where the fish are. Very key to any successful fishing trip. Even though I am the only resident girl amongst my siblings my dad asked if I was interested. I know he wanted me to come, but I’m pretty sure he asked out of apprehension. A while back he was asking all my brother’s if they would be interested in attending some sporting event. He didn’t ask me. I presumed it was because I had a vagina, and he was only asking the penis’s. Just because I don't have their equipment doesn't mean I don't have the desire!

We ventured up to Big Lake after work on Friday, where most of the crew had all ready set up camp. When we arrived it was dark, cold, and wet. I figured the next time I would see the sun, or any smidgen of skin on my body would be back in the valley. Steak dinners and s’mores awaited our arrival- these men don’t mess around!

The next morning it was still cold, still wet and still pretty dark, but beautiful! So lush and green- you wouldn't think you were still in AZ!

Here we are at the dock, waiting to start reeling 'em in! And yes, I did knowingly dress myself
like this. If you must know, I am sporting two hats, one to keep the rain off my face and one to keep my ears on (it was so cold). From there, the whole ensemble just makes perfect sense. The jacket is to keep the rain out and the warmth in, the sweatshirt for more warmth, the thermal underneath the sweatshirt for even more warmth and the tee-shirt just in case I get really hot and want to de-layer. Below all that I have two pairs of pants, two pairs of socks and rain golashes. And yes, they’re argyle.

Unfortunately, it was much to wet and cold for any pics out on the lake. Once we arrived at the spot (compliments of Guy) I figured it would be a while before anyone got a bite. The little fishies proved us wrong. Within 5 minutes I had a bite and was reeling the first fish of the day in. Once we secured the fish I stood up and yelled to all the other fishermen within earshot "vagina's 1, penis's 0". I attribute much of my success to my boots! From that point on it was getting pretty ridiculous. I caught another, then another. Eventually everyone had almost caught their limit. James learned that fishing is fun when you catch stuff!

We were out on the lake for a few hours in the bitter cold when it finally started to rain. We put some lovely blue and green ponchos on, but then decided to head back to camp for a little reprieve and some grub.

Here is James waiting for the restroom. This is probably the only documented incidence where there was an actual line for the men's room and no waiting for the women's. I guess, sometimes it pays to have the vagina! Chalk another up there for the ladies!

Here is one of the MANY trout I snagged.

Two of Tyler's

But, before heading back to camp it was time to clean our catch! A first for James.

The worst part about it was the frigid weather. Eventually, the fish blood and guts just started freezing onto our skin. Yummy!

This is my feeble attempt at filleting the fish. You start just above the gills, and cut along the skin. Then, you flip the fish over, and slide the knife under it while pressing firmly on the table.

And pull! At this point, you start all over again with the other side of the fish. Ironically, I don't even like seafood, love to fish, love to clean 'em, hate to eat 'em.

It seriously doesn't get any fresher than this!

Before leaving the lake we tried to take a mental picture of some prominent land marks so we can find our sweet spot again. Unfortunately, the only thing any of us can remember is a particular log. As long as the log stays there we're set! The highlight of the trip was definitely the ladies (being me) showing up the men (all 9 of them). Unfortunately, our fun was halted on the way home by some blue and red flashing lights in our rear view mirror. LUCKILY, he was the nicest DPS office EVER. He just gave us a fine, not a speeding violation, but a fine. The violation was for "waste of finite resources". It's basically a revenue generator. James was more than willing to accept the fine over 3 points on the license and endless "I told you to slow down" comments from me.