What Not to Wear

While attending both Disneyland and Six Flags and spending a great deal of time in lines gazing at the crowds I noticed an overabundance of unfortunate and somewhat alarming theme park apparel. My first inclination when selecting an outfit for a theme park is comfort. I also take into account the weather and function. Naturally, I always match, but I realize I’m not preparing for a night at the Emmy’s. It’s a theme park. In the summer. I need something light and well-ventilated; preferably with pockets, comfortable shoes and a hair tie. I leave my beloved flip-flops at home and slap on a pair of sneakers.

I'm no fashion mogul, but here is my list of unsuitable attire for any theme park, all of which I observed.

• Thigh-high stiletto boots (save these for Van Buren)
• Beanies and sweatshirts (acceptable for the cooler months, but unnecessary when it’s 90°F)
• Ugg boots tucked into skin-tight skinny jeans (let your legs breathe)
• Juicy couture terrycloth suits with something uncouth plastered across the rump (these always bug me whenever, wherever)
• An excess of dangling jewelry (Mickey is not dazzled)
• Long jean skirts with tennis-shoes (I get that you may feel skirts are less constricting than pants, but the jean material completely negates any comfort you may have received from a skirt)
• Scarves, suspenders and combat boot combo (these need no explanation)
• Layered tank-tops that don’t even cover up your bra straps (tank-tops may be more refreshing than a t-shirt, but not when you layer 5 of them)
• Strapless tube-top dresses (gravity is unforgiving on roller coasters)
• Handheld clutches (again, this is not a night out on the town, try a small back-pack or shoulder bag)
• Flip-flops (some of you may disagree with me on this one, but in the interest of your feet, this choice of footwear provides no protection from the harsh elements and there is a high probability of losing them on rides, also no support for your arches)